I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

(via sassycass7)


You deserve to date someone who’s proud to be seen with you. Who holds your hand in public and tells their friends about you. Not someone who hides you away and is ashamed. Remember that.

(via drunkonyourkisss)


can’t wait till all my friends get married and have nice weddings with open bars

(via punkgoes-poop)


fun date idea: Go down on me while I shop online with ur credit card

(via punkgoes-poop)